Me Before You

Major Spoilers!

Before I begin, I want to make two things very clear. 1: I did not pay to watch this movie. I would never do that. And 2: My motivation for watching it was so that I could confirm its status as a miserable, wilting pile of BS. Well -- BS confirmed.

Thanks JoJo moyes for inspiring me to write something better -- like this sentance. It has spelling and grammatical errors, but I'm not going to fix it to make a point about the height of the bar you set.

I knew it was, because I read the book (I was super, naively, embarrassingly unwitting to what it was), and since the movie is exactly like the book, I now have a nice opportunity to go on a ranting rampage and get a few things off my chest. So in case you're ignorant to this story, here it is in a nutshell. Girl (Emilia Clarke) is hired by rich parents (Janet McTeer and Charles Dance) to be a sort of care-giving companion to their previously wild playboy son (Sam Claflin) who was hit by a motorbike and now is a quadriplegic (basically he can move his head, and his fingers enough to drive his wheelchair). Girl and boy develop friendship, improve each other's lives, fall in love. Boy commits assisted suicide with the support of girl and parents. Isn't that so sweet? You're probably bawling already from the tragic romantic beauty of it all.

So the movie spends most of its time and more than most of its effort in trying to justify the suicide (still never sticking to one argument long enough to see it through, but more on that later) but in the beginning, before Clark learns of Will's intentions, there are a few events to keep one entertained. The growing friendship and the mutually improved lives were by comparison, well done, and bolstered by the movie's visual aspect which featured a lot of good-looking people wearing pretty clothes and surrounded by pretty, well filtered locations.

That's Brendan Coyle in the center. And Jenna Coleman is Clark's sister -- a pointless role outside of the book.

But the movie is torn between improving Will's life and making it tragic so that the end "works." He gets to spend all day being waited on, watching movies, listening to music, and rolling through beautiful English countryside, and his loving parents are rich and doting -- but no, his life is miserable. Examples? Well, he used to be a daredevil, and has explored places and done things that most would only dream of. Sounds like he was lucky to be able to do those things before the accident. He also had a girlfriend (Vanessa Kirby) who is now engaged to his old best friend and it's super awkward. But he attends their wedding and she makes a point of thanking him for coming. She also implies to Clark that the reason they broke up was because he pushed her away. I dunno y'all; it's an unfortunate situation, but she sounds like a decent girl.

On the flip side, Clark has her own boyfriend (Matthew Lewis), a fitness-obsessed, bit-of-a-doofus kind of guy you know is gonna be gone by then end. But again, there's really nothing wrong with him. He's just ignorant to Clark's wishes, like, he plans a holiday that he wants to do, which she pretends to be excited about! And then we're supposed to hate him for not understanding her? She won't tell him what she thinks about anything, so of course he thinks everything is fine. Then he starts getting jealous of Will, which, considering the romance that blooms later is totally justified. They finally break up and I feel more relieved for him, poor fellow.

At the wedding, Clark sits on Will's lap and they "dance" to shock the snobby crowd, but we are never given any reason to think they are snobby except that they're rich. And Will's rich too. And Clark...

Clark all by herself is just as confusing, and is also, I think, the movie's one casting flaw. Everyone else has pathetic or underused characters but is still a bunch of talented, well put-together and probably highly paid actors who got to phone in decent performances. Emilia Clarke acts by wiggling around her very flexible eyebrows, and misses the mark on a pretty cliched lead character. Bubbly, optimistic, fashion-brave, care-free Clark comes across as a self-righteous snob who will insult employees for doing their job. She plays everything like a comedy bit, and couldn't capture any semblance of genuineness. Oddly, most off was her singing. She sings like a mouse. Bad singers who don't care just let it out -- especially with a silly song like that.

On to the main event. So Clark discovers that Will has made an agreement with his parents to stick around for six months and then they'll let him kill himself. Will's mom still hopes he'll change his mind and she and Clark plan adventures and trips to try and make him see that life isn't so bad, the final trip being a vacation to some expensive resort on a tropical island. On these trips Will pushes Clark out of her comfort zone in ways she never could have dreamed, let alone had access to without him. On their last night in the tropics, he tells her that he was never happier than in those past six months, and then he casually invites her to come to the suicide resort with him.

And then they have a nice giggle about it and smile way too much to mask the fact that this movie is sick and disturbing.

First of all, WHAT?? If he doesn't want to die because he's unhappy then why does he want to die? Clark and others offer feeble arguments to all his reasoning, but none of the arguments are seen all the way through, because their natural conclusion is that he shouldn't kill himself. DUH. Unhappy? No, admittedly he is happy now. Quality of life? Granted, it's not at the extreme heights it was before, but he's still wealthy and surrounded by people who love him. Killing yourself because you can't skydive or windsurf anymore sounds more than a little petty and selfish. Very few fully able people have that kind of quality of life. Also he admits that the playboy him was a jerk and never would have given Clark a second look; seems like the accident made him a better person in the end. Then he says he wouldn't be able to stand being in a relationship with her without being able to have sex, which is also pretty petty, but I'll give him that one -- he should break up with her if that's how he feels. Suicide is maybe overkill in that scenario.

It seems to me that the only reason he has to kill himself is because he's disabled, not because the disability affects his life in any kind of significantly negative way. But the movie can't say that because it's evil and untrue. So they make up excuses.

So she's devastated because she thought she had changed his mind, and oh yeah, she's in love with him now, so she goes home and mopes... but then comes around before it's too late and they make up, with him on what will be his death bed. The argument the movie settles on -- for the sake of the romance -- is that he loves Clark so much he wants her to go live her life without him holding her back. So before he kills himself he creates an itinerary of adventure for her to complete after he's gone and gives her some money to "buy her freedom." The end of the film shows her sitting at a cafe in France, reading his final letter. Alone.

Look at her: doesn't she look happy as she sits there ALL BY HERSELF READING THE WORDS OF THE MAN SHE LOVED WHO KILLED HIMSELF SO SHE COULD GO SIT ALONE??????

BS, honest and simple. There's no angle to look at this pile of crap that makes it even faintly resemble a beautiful, inspiring butterfly, but that's what we're constantly told it is. Are we really supposed to believe that her newfound capacity for travel is supposed to replace a relationship with a human being? It what world is her life better because she got to go to Paris alone? (And by the way, what exactly was it that stopped his going to France? Oh yeah, he wanted to be there as his old self... the playboy jerk who loved no one.) No -- her life was better because of him; it can't also be made better because he's gone. This story painted itself into a corner and stubbornly stuck to its ill-advised propaganda. A literal death grip.

What kind of message is this movie trying to send, anyway? Well obviously it's trying to push the "right to die" agenda and normalize assisted suicide. (I'm on Clark's cross-wearing mum on this point -- it's no better than murder. And also a fundamentally extremely deceitful idea.) But besides that, what does it accidentally imply at the same time? If you're unhappy you should be able to kill yourself. If your quality of life is in any way diminished from what it used to be or what you want it to be, you should be able to kill yourself. If someone loves you and wants to spend their life taking care of you, you're holding them back -- you should kill yourself. And most broadly: Selfish aspirations are more important than personal relationships. Essentially, the title -- you, before anything or anyone else.

Talented actors Charles Dance and Janet McTeer as: Everyone as they realize what they just watched. Also probably: Them regretting their involvement in the project.

I sincerely hope I'm not the only one who noticed all these terrible ideas ingrained in this terrible, miserable movie. Briefly on the technical side: Of course I wasn't watching to enjoy myself or be involved in the story, but I never had to bother with any effort to keep myself from being pulled in. I was never tempted -- never even nudged to be emotionally moved. The movie was stale, unromantic, whitewashed moral excrement. Pooped out by a male cow, and smeared over pages of a book and a screenplay by an ignorant, misguided person armed with an agenda and absolutely no ability in or inclination toward critical thought.

I wish this story would kill itself. We would all definitely be better off without it.

Upcoming Movie Roundup - June

Last month, Captain America: Civil War hit and I saw it opening night... and was one of very few people who didn't absolutely adore it. In fact it left a very bad first impression on me -- which has toned down a little since and I'm looking forward to hopefully being able to ignore those things and focus solely on what I liked the second time round. But that opportunity has yet to come. Much like the opportunity to see Love and Friendship and X-Men: Apocalypse, both of which I still want to see, in spite of middling reviews for the latter. Unfortunately, extra time for theater trips is not readily available to me currently.

The month of June is looking very fine with three or four releases that if I don't get to the theater to see will still be watching at some point all the same. What movies look good to you this month?


Me Before You
Jun 3rd; PG-13
This romance's large British cast led me to read the book, and for the first time in my life reading a book before the movie came out didn't make me more interested in seeing the movie. I didn't love the story, and though it was well-written, sometimes funny, and very memorable, I don't care to see the story play out on the screen. However, I am still slightly interested, because the cast still is what it is. Sam Claflin and Emilia Clarke in the lead, with supporting favorites like Jenna Coleman, Charles Dance, Janet McTeer, and Brendan Coyle. (I am disappointed that the actor playing Nathan is from Australia, not New Zealand though.) And there is an element of plain and simple curiosity to know how well it was adapted. So I may watch it someday, but not anytime soon.




Now You See Me 2
Jun 10th; PG-13
Haha! "We thought" (and hoped) "they were gone forever, but now they're back!" Minus Isla Fischer, but hey, that actually a good thing. If it weren't for me having sat though the original movie I wouldn't even be mentioning this one. I'm really surprised it even exists. Plenty of people may have enjoyed Now You See Me more than I did, but did anyone really enjoy it enough to warrant a sequel? This one certainly doesn't look one bit better then the first, in spite of having "cooler" tricks. It's all just movie magic anyway, so really, what's the point?




Warcraft
Jun 10th; PG-13
I'm not a gamer and have never played any Warcraft games. My brother tried to make me play Hearthstone once, but I was confused and bored within seconds. But, I want to see this move. No, it doesn't look like a great movie, but something about the over-the-top Lord of the Rings impression it evokes really really appeals to me. I like that motion-capture was used for the Orcs, and the CGI looks like real effort was put into it, which is a good sign. And I like the cast. Video game movies have never been good before, but with a movie like this it doesn't necessarily have to be good to be enjoyable. Early reviews are not boding well for the film's quality, but for the enjoyment part, I'm pretty determined to see for myself.




Finding Dory
Jun 17th; PG
For these upcoming movie posts, I make a list of all the movie I might want to talk about and then go watch the trailers. I got to this one and said a sarcastic and disappointed "Oh, great." Which says a lot about what I think about this movie already. I still haven't watched it. I don't want to. I don't want this movie to exist and add on to one of my childhood favorites -- even it if it turns out decently -- which I kinda doubt it will. Okay watching it now.... ..... ....Help me. Well... there was one good joke. Maybe I watched the wrong trailer, but I sure as heck aint gonna risk watching another. I'm done. Nope nope nope nope nope.




Independence Day: Resurgence
Jun 24th; No Rating yet
Man, this trailer gets me with the nostalgia every time during the speech from the first movie. This could very easily not be a worthy successor to the original, but for me the original wasn't too great for it to not be worth a good shot. Jeff Goldblum and Bill Pullman are back and Liam Hemsworth has been added, and there's nothing particular in the trailer that makes me thin it'll be really good, but there's nothing that makes think it'll be bad either. It's a good trailer that doesn't give away a whole lot and doesn't have to since everyone can figure out what it'll be about pretty much on their own. And I'm definitely interested to see this movie.




Hunt for the Wilderpeople
Jun 24th; PG-13
Now, this. This is my movie. This is my pick for June. If I could only watch one movie in the whole month it would be this one. If I could talk about only one film in this post it would be this one. I could tell you about how it's set in New Zealand; how the trailer makes it feel like a Wes Anderson comedy; how it has raving reviews and a perfect score on RT; or more personally, how it reminds me of another summer flick from three years ago that inspired this whole post series in the first place -- The Way, Way Back. But never mind all that. Just watch this trailer and see for yourself.




Have a lovely June everyone!

Battle Creek

This review is Spoiler-free.

In this cleverly cynical police procedural, Detective Russ Agnew (Dean Winters) gets stuck working with one of the FBI's best, Special Agent Milton Chamberlain (Josh Duhamel) when he is sent to assist with the small-town precinct's lack of resources and manpower. And as they go through unintentional routines of "good cop, bad cop" with the criminals of Battle Creek, Michigan, they also find plenty of time to clash heads with each other, bringing a whole new inverse meaning to the buddy-cop genre.

Best tv show ever! So, of course... cancelled.

Battle Creek was a CBS crime drama that was cancelled in the middle of a thirteen-episode first season in the spring of 2015. It was recently added to Netflix's instant streaming, and that's where I found it. I'll save you the whiny spiel about how sad and unfair it is that it was cancelled, and focus on why it's a show worth watching anyway -- whether it's thirteen episodes long, or three, or three-hundred.

And therefore, I must start with the characters. They are both the beginning and the end of what makes this show stand out among so many other crime dramas flooding the airwaves. I only started the show because Dean Winters was in it, who I absolutely loved in his smallish but memorable role in Life on Mars (and who didn't love those "Mayhem" Allstate commercials?). Then there's Josh Duhamel, who I never thought to take seriously before -- mostly because of his role as the pathetically characterless soldier guy in the first three Transformers movies. Both these guys get a well-deserved chance to shine here.

"You're a good person, Detective Agnew." "And you, Agent Chamberlain? You're the devil."

If Russ being played by Dean Winters doesn't immediately clue you in to his character, let me enlighten you: He's a stereotypical brazen, cynical detective with a harsh and crusty exterior... and apparently, an equally crusty interior to match. He's a good cop who gets results (often in an "ends justifies the means" type way) but not a widely liked person -- to understate the common dislike of him -- and he dislikes everyone right back. Milt is the exact opposite. He is, in fact, unreal in how perfect he is. Never a hair out of place, and he's kind and gracious to everyone he meets -- to the point of naïveté. He goes by the book, never seems to be wrong, and every resources and technology is at his fingertips. So Russ absolutely hates him. But there's something off and insincere about Milt's unfailing positive attitude, and Russ, the only person not taken in by it, is determined to uncover what he suspects is a very dark past for Milt.

Ah, Milt. Dumpster-diving and still spotless. Meanwhile, Russ is almost always injured in some way.

There's also a large supporting cast present who all get a turn in the spotlight, and add rich depth and humor to the show. The precinct Commander (Janet McTeer) finally breaks the spell of all police captains in crime dramas being annoying to me with a leader who's not just there to create roadblocks and be hard-nosed about everything. Holly (Aubrey Dollar) the office manager is a fun character; she's a secret genius, and figures out just as many cases as the detectives do. She also has a will-they-won't-they romantic tension going with Russ, which has its due ups and downs. There's detectives Erin (Liza Lapira) and Aaron (Grapevine) and Font (Kal Penn) and Niblet (Damon Herriman) with their own thoughtfully-developed personalities; and the ME (Meredith Eaton) is quite a stubborn foul-mood-ed handful, which is quite amusing to see her play in scenes with Milt, who she loves, and Russ, who she hates, while Russ hates both of them and Milt loves both of them.

Erin, Niblet, Font, Aaron, and Holly.

In the middle of all these fun relationships, they solve crime! On the surface, it masquerades as a typical cop show. There's a new case to solve every week, and they are solved by following clues and evidence and interviewing suspects... etc, etc, with lots of insults and cynicism on Russ's part, and overly-dramatic, inspiring speeches on Milt's... and wacky comparisons of maple syrup to meth, and police dog rivalries. The cases are taken seriously and there's real stakes at play -- and in some ways it goes even darker than an average serious drama -- but the ever-present cynical attitude creates a depth of meaning and comedy that is totally unexpected and totally inimitable.

It's almost satirical. It's definitely tongue-in-cheek. They put clichés into the script and give them a little twist, and suddenly... it's Battle Creek. It's a subtle thing, and there's nothing I can equate it to, but it's masterful. There will be a cheesy cliché, but it's turned around into not a cliché, so it's not cheesy, so it actually, successfully conveys the idea that the original cheesy cliché was going for! And thus the show is filled with an amazing amount of unexpectedly poignant character moments, while never having to sacrifice a single bit of humor to get them because the humor was built in, allowing for, and practically creating the sincere moment.

The best duos are the unexpected ones. And the ones that make you laugh.

And I promise, if you start this show and love it you'll love the way it ends too. After falling in love with this show the possibility of a weak ending worried me quite a bit, but happily everything that we want to see wrap up gets wrapped up -- season-arcing mysteries and character tensions, and there was nothing left wanting. Not that I hypothetically wouldn't say no to more episodes, but these thirteen left me ultimately satisfied, and it's better that the show ended on a high note with a few ideas unexplored, rather than fizzling out after a few seasons, tired and empty.

The mysteries are smart at an average level, but Battle Creek rises above the mantra by never striving to confuse you with gimmicks and endless rabbit trails that lead to the bad guy being pulled out of a hat for the end twist. It keeps its plots neat and honest, and well-written in the details, and I appreciated that. I guess the whole show is so great and memorable because of the way it was developed. The pretty normal plots that were given outstanding details to enhance them; the script that edged on clichéd and satirical at the same time; and the characters, who were made to be stereotypes just so they can point and laugh before breaking out of them in impressive and humorous ways. With its brilliantly unique self-aware wit, a winning good-cop bad-cop duo, and plenty of heart to keep you invested, this show is nine hours and forty-five minutes of an unexpectedly good time of crime-solving -- the Battle Creek way.