Spectre

So the organization called "SPECTRE" is back -- or up and coming for the first time -- and James Bond is-- wait no, that's not important. Here's what's important: There's an organization, called "SPECTRE," their logo looks like this:

And it's an octopus? It's not -- you know -- a spectre? I'm confused.

Anyway, Bond (Daniel Craig) is out to stop Blofeld (Christoph Waltz) and SPECTRE, without the help or permission of M (the new M, Ralph Fiennes!) because there's this guy called C (but who was an "M" in another lifetime, Andrew Scott) who came out of nowhere and is trying to do evil things from inside the agency and the only way to stop it is for Bond to go solo (with a little help from adorkable Q (Ben Whishaw) and Moneypenny (a terribly underused Naomie Harris)), team up with a beautiful young woman (Léa Seydoux) who's important to the plot somehow (have I got this right so far?), wear a tux, drink a martini, introduce himself to someone, fight intimidating henchmen (man -- Dave Bautista), fly, boat, fly, ski, fly, and boat -- in that order, with various gun and hand fights thrown in the mix, all the while looking as expressionless as possible. Did I leave anything out? Oh yes...

He's got a license to kill. But, he's also got a license... not to kill.

I've never been very approving of Daniel Craig's 007, though I did enjoy Skyfall, and Casino Royal had its moments as well. Craig has epic action-star abilities, which get put to good use in these films, but character-wise, Bond has never been duller than in this movie right here. A bored expression does not a cool character make. He gets one or two fleeting slick moments, but otherwise the occasional subtle eye-roll is the biggest expression his face ever makes. He's so cool, that he's not actually cool anymore.

Everyone else can be boiled down to one thing: wasted potential. Andrew Scott was where this was most obvious, because who would cast him to play a placid character? No one, that's who. Yet placid his is for placid they all are. I literally the day before seeing this watched Rory Kinnear play an extreme creepy stalker for laughs in Man Up; and then he shows up here, and just stands there... with words coming out his mouth. I know for a fact that these actors are capable of infusing a film with energy and making you care for the characters they are playing. I have witnessed every single one of them do it. But this film is so tonally dull that anything resembling liveliness gets sucked away.

I was really looking forward to her Moneypenny after 28 Days Later, but 'twas a fruitless hope.

And what is left is a pompous sense of carelessness, and one dimensional characters that only exist to move the plot along through the paint-by-numbers Bond coloring book. And all the colors are grey. One thing Spectre does that is useful is a kind of experiment, it seems. They appear to have wondered if action films are exciting and entertaining just because they have action in them, and then tested the theory, creating an action film filled with action pieces that are treated as if they were a nice stroll through a park. The result is a high-speed car chase where James is pursued by villainous henchman Bautista, and has a casual chat with Moneypenny on the phone about unrelated plot-development-exposition-what-have-you. I think it was supposed to be for laughs, but it was ironically just like the rest of the film, where casual delivery of action results in boring action.

Technically the stunts and action sequences were difficult and well-executed, and visually the film is pretty fairly striking. Silhouettes is the name of the game here, and I enjoyed the high-contrast (if not colorful) look. But impressive feats and a pretty face mean nothing if there's not anything in a movie to engage you and invite you to care. And no matter how pretty the shot is, there comes a point where it's too long -- here, you can almost see Sam Mendes wave at that point as he flies past it, muttering about how the movie has to be two and a half hours long, and calculating how many extra seconds of how many unnecessary shots he'll need to make that goal.

"A spy without a gadget is like a shopping cart without a broken wheel." -- Spy Fox

I don't care what kind of statement you're trying to make; having James Bond toss away his gun like that is just plain out of character. Maybe it could be pulled off jokingly, but I never could tell if this film attempted any jokes. This character and the elements that must surround him are the opposite of conducive to the lesson the film was trying to teach. This serious and bored Bond, trying to be what he used to be simultaneously with a new, hip, moral him is forced and trite. It just plain doesn't work.

Dark but not deep; dull, slow, and plodding but not smart, and filled with trivial action that is too easily forgettable, 007's latest adventure is only able to offer slight, relaxed moments of entertainment in a franchise meant to gleefully thrill. Spectre is not a cool and original octopus, nor a dark and haunting spirit, it's just a dry, grey wisp of expensive and useless smoke -- interesting enough in the moment; gone and forgotten at the next breeze.

Upcoming Movie Roundup -- January 2015!

Happy New Year everyone! 2015 promises to be an incredibly exciting year for the movie fan, and it begins in January with... next to nothing.

The most exciting thing in my book is a TV series, so I'll start with that.

Agent Carter
Jan 6th; ABC, 8/7c
It's only a mini-series, with seven or eight parts only, but I'm just as excited for this as I would be for a movie. In fact this is almost better than a movie -- 6 hours instead of 2? Sounds good to me! I suppose it won't be as high quality as a film, but being set in the 40's and not being so typically high-tech as the Marvel movies or Agents of SHIELD, it's quality should ride more on the writing, and that's what I'm holding out hope for. Hayley Atwell's return as Agent Peggy Carter is very welcome, as is Dominic Cooper's as Howard Stark. I'm also looking forward to the addition of the real-life Jarvis, who was the inspiration for Tony Stark's computerized butler. He's being played by James D'Arcy, and even if it were Paul Bettany himself I wouldn't be more approving. This wins all my anticipation points for the month -- here's to hoping it'll be worth it!



Paddington
Jan 16th; PG
I'm confused about this one, because when I first saw the trailer, it annoyed me with it's silliness so much that I quit watching before it was over, but, it currently has a score of 97% on Rotten Tomatoes. Is this another classic case of "Terrible Trailer Nearly Ruins Great Movie" or, perhaps it's just a good kiddie movie, and not the kind I'd want to see. I've never even heard of the character before this, so I don't have any sentimental attachment either. The cast that includes Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins, and Ben Whishaw is tempting, and the great reception from the critics sparks curiosity, but I doubt I'll be making plans see this one.




Blackhat
Jan 16th; R
This can be looked at a number of ways, but all I see is an action movie starring Chris Hemsworth. Which is a cool idea of course, but that doesn't mean it'll be worth seeing. The trailer is interesting enough, but my interest rides completely on it's reception.




Still Life
Jan 16th (limited); Unrated
I've only ever seen Eddie Marsan in supporting roles, but based on his scene-stealing performance as Mr. Pancks in Little Dorrit, I think he'd make a great lead, especially in a film like this one. And then there's Joanne Froggatt of Downton Abbey who is sweet and charming, and suddenly I want to see this movie. With the limited release who knows when a chance will come, but still. Still Life.




Mortdecai
Jan 23rd; Unrated
Oh boy. And I thought the Paddington trailer was annoying! I will be very much surprised if this turns out good, and that's too bad, because typically Paul Bettany and Ewan McGregor automatically make me interested in a movie, and Johnny Depp and Gwyneth Paltrow aren't bad either, plus the spy/mystery/comedy genre is sorely underused, but this looks unbearably silly and cheap.




I hope you're all having a fantastic 2015 so far! What are your movie plans for the first month of this promising year?

Doctor Who Challenge Finale -- The 12th Doctor

So, why did I decide to save only one question for my final post in the Doctor Who Challenge? Because, the question was this: 20 - What actor would you like to play the 12th Doctor? And I have been forming opinions on the subject ever since I felt I was qualified. So, here's my list -- twelve actors I think would be interesting to see as Twelve, in order of least to greatest. Complete of course, with irrelevant opinions, pretty pictures, and pros and cons... and it's absolutely (85%) fanciful. Enjoy!

12 - Simon Woods

33 year-old, five-eleven period drama hero.

Pros: The only reason I thought of Woods is because of his amazing ginger hair in Pride & Prejudice. The Doctor should have his dream -- and not in a half-way kind of way.

Cons: Based on this picture, the red hair wasn't totally real. So unless dyes came onto the scene, it would be half-way. Plus, I'm not sure he has the acting ability for The Doctor... unless you mean romantic and dramatic Doctor Harrison.

11 - Ewan McGregor

42 year-old 5' 9" Scottish Jedi Knight.

Pros: He has the hair, and the vibrant personality, the sense of style, and the acting range... especially the comedy.

Cons: Somehow I feel that his popularity is a con. Could he make his Doctor fresh, or would we just be watching a time traveling Obi-Wan? I imagine his Doctor would also be unbearably cheesy.

10 - Dan Stevens

30, 6-foot British Television hunk.

Pros: He (or at least most his characters) has a interesting, understated off-kilter kind of personality. He does the "awkward but sincere gentleman" very well, and he is very British.

Cons: I'd be worried about his abilities in the action/sci-fi side of the show. And that's pretty important.

9 - Rhys Ifans
46 year-old, six-two chameleon.
Pros: He's got the right face, definitely. You know, the kind that in first glance is weird, but then suddenly grows on you, and next thing you know the guy is actually handsome? A common trait with Doctors. He's also extremely quirky and funny.
Cons: He's too old isn't he? I realize that previous Doctors have been older, but that's not really the thing anymore. Younger audience -- younger actor. Instead, Ifans should just get more film roles; those suit his talents as a chameleon better anyway.

8 - Colin Morgan

Really old, six-foot mythical Irish wizard.

Pros: Watching him in Merlin I assumed he was in his early twenties, and once I found he is actually 27, my very next thought was, "he's old enough to be The Doctor then!" And now I can't get it out of my head. As far as I can tell he has all the necessary qualities, and I personally think he'd be a great, unique Doctor.

Cons: Yeah... there's that one little problem of him having been on Doctor Who before. Rats.

7 - Ben Whishaw
33, 5' 9", supplier of cool toys for 007.
Pros: Well... he's got the wild hair for it. I've only seen him in Skyfall, but based on that, I believe he would make a very interesting, deep Doctor. He has a quiet, but authoritative presence, and an understated sense of humor -- actually everything about him is wonderfully understated... except the hair. Also, I love his voice.
Cons: Since I haven't seen much of him, all this is even more speculative than usual -- I like the idea of him, but really, I have no idea. I could also imagine that his Doctor might be a bit underwhelming. And the hair... it's too much, isn't it?

 

6 - Jamie Bell

The 5' 7" 27 year-old redeeming factor of many terrible movies.

Pros: Obviously, he has the best hair so far, so I'm sold already. He's a very physical actor, so action is no problem, and neither would be comedy as long as sarcasm is okay -- he's great at that. Drama -- very good. Fast-talking -- of course. Bonus -- he's stylish.

Cons: He is rather short, but that's not a problem as long as all companions are as short as Clara. He also usually sticks to movies... but get this: He's Tintin, the sequel is coming soon, and guess who is a writer for those movies? Steven Moffat!

 
 5 - Laurence Fox
Very sensitive Detective Sergeant. 6' 3" thirty-five.
Pros: He's married to Billie Piper, so that pretty much makes him The Doctor already. His looks are perfect for The Doctor (except not ginger) -- unique, odd, but still handsome. Based on his DS Hathaway, you'd think he'd be too mellow for The Doctor, but I read he's actually pretty quirky and upbeat, so really, pluses all around.
Cons: I also read that there's no "Inspector Hathaway" series in the works because he's looking to do more films. In America. A cover story?

4 - Benedict Cumberbatch
37, 6-foot, the universe's only consulting detective.
Pros: Naturally ginger; naturally awesome. He looks like an otter. (yes, that's definitely a pro!) He's a true artist at fast-talking, and equally great at any kind of humor, drama or action. In short, amazingly talented. So much so that...
Cons: ...Doctor Who would actually waste his talents. Then there's that little matter of him actually stating that he wasn't interested in playing The Doctor. Solution: He's The Master. Anyway, I wouldn't want Sherlock and The Doctor to be the same person; I need variety in my obsessions.

 

3 - Rupert Grint
24, 5' 8"; Most ginger ginger ever.
Pros: Look at him. Stop reading and look. ... That's what The Doctor wants to look like, and you know it. I have actually never seen "Harry Potter" but I saw Grint in this brilliant action comedy "Wild Target" and loved him in it. He was goofy and witty and awkward and endearing and oh-so-likable. And oh, did I mention GINGER?
Cons: At twenty-four, he is a bit too young. Perhaps the 13th Doctor will be the ginger one? (hint hint) That would give Grint time to separate himself from that "Weasley" guy too.

2 - Tom Hiddleston
6-foot-2, 32 year-old extremely charismatic god of mischief.
Pros: Charming, lighthearted personality, talented in every genre, classic British gentleman looks, authoritative presence... Hiddleston fits all usual requirements for The Doctor with perfect ease. Like many other guys, just... better. He stands out even more though, in one area I've previously left unconsidered: he respects his fans. He's always patient and gentlemanly, and those are qualities The Doctor should have off screen as well. Practically perfect in every way, and my no-brain-er top choice for this wish list.
Cons: Like Cumberbatch, I fear Doctor Who would waste his acting talents. Still, he is my ideal Doctor.

1 - The Unknown Actor
Height: Adorable. Age: Awesome. The guy born to be the 12th Doctor.
Pros: Now I'll be realistic, and really (realistically) this is the very best choice. An unknown. (Or at least someone you'd need to dig around to find.) This guy is something none of the previous of this list are; fresh. Any known actor is too safe, but a new actor will be bold and original and exciting and mysterious -- just like the show! Yes ladies and gentlemen, somewhere out there is the perfect 12th, and in Moffat I have an appropriate amount of trust.
Cons: Everyone will hate him at first. But no worries; we'll adore and love him like the crazed fans we all are later.



So there you have it -- thanks for bearing with me for all this completely pointless but absolutely fun Doctor Who silliness! Who did I forget? Who did I get totally wrong? I'd love to hear your input! If you missed my previous parts of this challenge, here they are: Part I, Part II, and Part III. And for even more fun, if you were to click here, you would find yourself reading one of the audition scripts for the Twelfth Doctor -- very helpful for imagining how your favorite actor might sound as Twelve!

Skyfall

Everyone's favorite British super-spy is getting a fresh start. After failing a very important mission due to being accidentally shot by a fellow agent, Bond "enjoys" being dead for a while, but James Bond can never stays dead for long. When he hears that MI6 has been attacked, he dutifully returns to lend his now significantly diminished skills to M, who ignores his failed evaluative tests, reinstates him, and puts him right to work. Because if agent 007 can't save Britain, no one can.

Sadly, despite his best efforts, our hero doesn't save much of anyone or anything this time around - besides himself by the suave skin of his teeth. Yeah. It's one of those movies. It takes two and a half hours to accomplish a plot line that could have been squeezed into a tv show. But as technically unnecessary as about an hour of the movie might have been, I didn't mind it one bit; I was too busy enjoying myself with the spectacle.

Visually, at the very least, Skyfall is a masterpiece. This whole film is a feast of light, shapes, and colors. Strikingly beautiful, unique locations and sets abound, and are displayed with style, completely free of cheap effects and frills - a great reflection of the persona of the film's hero. And I just love it when fight scenes are actually choreographed. Never take the little things for granted.

My favorite of many visually stunning moments.

Judi Dench as M is just as she always is and always should be, and I'm looking forward to more of Naomie Harris and Ralph Fiennes. Daniel Craig has never really fit my idea of how agent 007 should look, but I will give him that he can definitely act the part. So well if fact, that I can forgive his less than perfect "007" appearance. He is nearly overshadowed, though, by the villain. It's not Javier Bardem's fault - he simply can't be a normal, forgettable bad guy. Mr. Silva is very up-to-date, and has everything a villain needs these days. Understated creepy looks, a calm and cheerful disposition, sympathetic back-story, and even knew to include in his evil scheme that important point where you get captured on purpose and held in a glass prison for a while.

"An ant has no quarrel with a boot." No, that's not right...

Oh yes, and one more - they put Q in this movie. Played by Ben Whishaw. He looks like a hipster and is undoubtedly the best addition to the movie, as were his scenes of bantering with Bond. I give his hair and 11 out of 10, and the epic-ness of his speaking voice - while a little nuanced - rates squarely between Benedict Cumberbatch and Richard Armitage. This is all high praise from me, for anyone who may not know.

If I had hair like that... I'd stay out of high wind.

But here's what really made this movie: the references and illusions to the classics of James Bond films. "My name's Bond, James Bond" may be cheesy beyond compare in any other movie, but here it's necessary. He's gotta wear the tux too, and the martini's gotta be shaken. These are the moments that make me happy and these are the reasons I watch these movies. And director Sam Mendes was happy to give us these things plus some. He must know that sometimes going back to the classics can be just as fresh - or even fresher - than scrounging up a weak, but "original" film. Especially when it comes to a certain British secret agent.

Where else but a Bond film can you reasonably see this sort of thing anyway?

It seems that 007 is back from the dead.

- 4/5 Stars