The Defenders

Spoilers!

Well this turned out a lot worse than expected. And my expectations were halfway based on the quality of Iron Fist, which was spectacularly bad. Read my review of it here in order to get the full impact of my opinion when I compare them and say The Defenders is actually the worse of the two, trading in accidental laughs for apparent intentional boredom. This is what we've been building towards for two years? Color me stupefied at the absolute lack of anything worthwhile.

"Gonna go save this city.... I guess..."

My problem was that 50% of my expectations came from Iron Fist, but the other 50% came from Daredevil Season 1. If the 50% had been based on Daredevil's second season I would have only been marginally disappointed, but for some reason the one exceptional thing Netflix's Marvel has done out of five sneaked in there and got my hopes up. I also thought Iron Fist was rushed and cheapened to get this heavy hitter out faster and better, but now I'm scratching my head; if the brilliant plots and great production quality was being saved up, where did it all go? It isn't here, that's for sure.

This series is 8 episodes long, and it takes until episode three for all four Defenders to finally accumulate into the same room. Slow like molasses. But not smooth like molasses, because every scene change feels like switching channels between a cheapened versions of the solo shows for whichever character is on screen. They're even color-coordinated! Daredevil is shown in red, then Jessica Jones is blue, Luke Cage gets yellow, and Iron Fist is green. So cute right? Except every scene is colored that way. Think back on Daredevil season one: what was the prominent color? It was actually green, and the green actually set Daredevil's tone better than red. And it wasn't nearly as oppressive, with many highlight colors going on too. Even Iron Fist had a varying color palate; I don't know about Jessica Jones or Luke Cage but I can only suppose they weren't limited either.

Defenders assemble! ... in a minute. Hang on, let's talk about this first (and wait didn't I leave wet clothes in the wash?) Almost ready... oh darn the show's over!

It was obviously done here on purpose, especially since once they team up, specific colors are thrown out the window and everything just looks muddy. I cannot understand why though, because while it occasionally made memorable shots, the main effect it had was to emphasize how separate the characters were, which made their slow pace toward collaboration all the more maddening. And even once they "team up" they are constantly in-fighting, and never click like a team; lone-wolfing in close proximity. At the end of each episode I was thinking to myself, "Well, it seems like it might be about to get started..." And then the season ended and would you look at that -- nothing happened!

They didn't even defeat The Hand. Instead four brand spanking new additional leaders of The Hand were added and promptly killed off. Hand oldie Madame Gao (Wai Ching Ho) is still puttering around. The only permanent damage this show did was killing off Stick (Scott Glenn) (cue collective sigh of relief, though honestly he was one of the better characters) and removing Luke's cop friend's arm. Though I expect with Danny's "connections" she'll have a nice mechanical one soon. I was shocked they killed Sigourney Weaver's character in episode 6. She was being geared up to be the main villain; we had to watch her go to doctor visits, and take medication, and put on weird dresses, and stare at herself in the mirror -- and then there was no pay off? She pushes Electra (Elodie Yung) in the right direction and then dies? All the time wasted, and Madam Gao could have done the same thing.

HOW-w can you seeeeeeee into my-e-eyes, like open doOORS?

I'm now wondering what would've happened if this show had been combined with Iron Fist, subtracting the multiple Hand leaders shtick and maybe even cutting out the team-up aspect. The root problem with The Defenders and Iron Fist was intolerably little content stretched thin over too many episodes, so double the content could only be an improvement. Of course that would still leave the Danny Rand (Finn Jones) character problem, because oh my goodness gracious sakes alive that kid is hard to like. Yet as irritating as he is, he was a central part of nearly all the most entertaining parts of the show. And honestly no one is particularly likeable. Even if their characters had been done successfully before, the lack of meaningful content in the show effectively keeps characters from having meaningful existences.

Daredevil's (Charlie Cox) abilities aren't as solid as they should be and have been. His drama with Foggy and Karen is boring, and his drama with Electra is forced and painful. Jessica Jones' (Krysten Ritter) investigating scenes are like actually watching people do real internet research, which is to say, boring; even by this show's standards. She pops off one-liners that occasionally warrant a chuckle but sometimes I could swear you can hear crickets. It doesn't help that no characters laugh, or even smile as far as I can remember. They're deadpan and deadbeat, and in some cases, literally dead. Luke Cage (Mike Colter) I found mildly interesting, but since I hadn't seen his show, I was expecting him to stand out more than he did. Maybe this show pulls him down like it does Daredevil. The fight between Luke and Danny was arguably the best scene altogether -- and certainly the most genuinely humorous.

Like, Danny is the most irritating character... but... at least he makes you feel something.

The Defenders is completely devoid of joy and feeling, moves like a glacier, and gets nothing done. It takes even fewer risks than Iron Fist did, if that's possible. They couldn't even manage the risk of leaving us in suspense of Matt's well-being. Conversations have no spark, and chemistry between characters is non-existent. Yet most of the show is characters talking; explaining what's happened and discussing what will happen. Fight scenes lack the originality we've come to expect and take no risks either. Violent things happen, but nothing feels violent. It feels... insignificant; boring; dead. There's nothing to surprise, nothing to impress, and at the end there's a Return of the King-style multiple endings going on, each one more dead and depressing than the last.

When did being a superhero and saving the city you love become such a downer? And when did watching downright boring superhero fodder become so inanely acceptable? I think it's time someone defends the superhero genre from this kind of inept lifelessness. Alas, none of these guys are up to the task.

Iron Fist

Well Marvel, I asked you nicely, but you let me down. Iron Fist is the last piece needed before the team-up The Defenders can happen -- Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and Iron Fist all working together. Daredevil is pretty much unarguably the best of the four in TV show excellence, but I admit -- and by that I mean I can't deny it because there is evidence out there -- I was very excited for this latest Netflix Marvel superhero, and had high hopes for Danny Rand's turn in the spotlight.

On the surface it looked so promising.

It turns out that Danny's spot in the line-up was a good indicator of how good his show would be; he's the last, they're in a hurry to get the TV show version of The Avengers out there, and didn't need to put all that much effort into his show; it's understandable. And it's also extremely unfortunate. People were guaranteed to watch it because of what has preceded it and no one will skip out on The Defenders because at least one out of four characters has draw. There was no motivation to put any kind of effort or risk into this show... except, of course, that was exactly what it needed in order to be good.

It's so common to find entertainment that feeds off the success of other entertainment these days -- especially in the superhero genre -- but it still irritates me to no end. Spend a little more money on some decent writers and it could mean the difference between this, and a show that makes people want to come back for more. Instead the hype vanished like a puff of smoke from a meditation candle in the very first episode; and from there the energy steadily drained away until the final episode was watched out of begrudging duty. "There's only one left, we might as well." This is not what I want to expect out of Netflix's superheroes.

It's really, really not...

The acting was bad, but it probably would have been better if the directing was better. The directing was bad but it may have been better if the writing had been there. Some of the stunts looked cheesy but could have been good with better filming. Filming could have been improved with more interesting things to film. Fight scene choreography might have been improved by better plotting. Dialogue scenes definitely could have used a writing pick-me-up. It all boils down to writing. It was ill-informed, completely aloof from what we wanted to see, how to construct a complex, meaty plot, how to effectively develop characters, and perhaps most obviously, how to write a sentence that has any sort of significant impact on a viewer's ears.

Danny needed backstory. And his talking about his time training in K'un Lun doesn't count; we needed to see some part of his trails and struggles there so that he doesn't come across as a spoiled selfish kid. On the flip side, we didn't need five or six flashbacks to his parents dying, playing the same shots over and over again -- if you want to keep reminding us, add more information every time -- and not via dialogue. Then the overall plot was a stretched-out mess that barely gains any air before crashing down again at the end. These 13 episodes could have been trimmed to 5 without any significant loss.

I am Iron Man-- I mean Fist.

But the plot was hindered by a set ending point -- the point at which The Defenders will begin undoubtedly. They had 13 episodes to fill, and no budget to fill it with training in another dimension's magical Kung-Fu land with super-powered ninja-monks, so what is to be done? Fill it with pointless drama instead (obviously) and drawn-out sessions of chi recharging -- AKA, slow-mo stationary Kung-Fu -- shirtless a couple times just to make things interesting (it's important to show off your tats). And to unconventional (read: nerve-setting) music, because that translates to character, right?

I really meant what I said about the acting. It's not like no one was trying, but I've never seen acting look so directionless. That paired with the dull script made for many scenes that were an actual chore to follow. Finn Jones as Danny went minimalist, which was probably the safest and therefore best choice, but he still came across as childish, and sadly lacked pathos. Jessica Stroup as Joy tries too hard and comes across as terribly fake. Tom Pelphrey as Ward relies on a gimmick to propel the character. David Wenham is involved in most of the show's great moments, and is the most consistently interesting character. Jessica Henwick as Colleen ebbs and wavers, and eventually succumbs to the lazy writing. Claire (Rosario Dawson) and Madam Gao (Wai Ching Ho) lose some of their coolness and mystery, respectively, for their presence.

Are we just gonna sit here, or are we gonna superhero?

The best the show has to offer is very consistently in its action side. Every so often Danny will do something cool -- a bit of parkour, or a particular fighting move that impresses. For the most part the fight scenes are sub-par in choreography and execution, but at least are entertaining to watch. Other kinds of violence (if you've seen the show you know what I mean) are fleeting moments of dark intensity so jarring that they feel like a completely different show altogether. These are the times when the show's distant potential shows through.

The tone isn't nearly dark enough to warrant a MA rating. Occasional extreme violence and an obligatory sex scene earn it, but it feels completely unjustified with such a light, naive, cheesy tone going on around it. (On that note the obligatory "morning after" scene is no exaggeration the most awkward thing I've ever seen play out on my TV screen.) I am a firm believer in content in entertainment being justified, and if the content had fit the justification here, the show would have been rated PG. The Mature moments (and the mature moments) were ill-fitting exceptions only; faintly teasing of what might have been.

Perhaps it's unfair to expect this show to be as daring and unique as Daredevil. But it's playing in the same league, so I did.

Every episode had one or two worthwhile moments, some of them being quite good -- perhaps only by comparison but it's hard to tell with such an extreme difference -- but even those were all too often insignificant to the plot, and, more importantly, to the characters. It's not unreasonable, expecting and wanting another mildly tragic, solidly cool dude to grace a story with some edgy character development and some entertaining ways of fighting bad guys. They couldn't get even the most basic things right. With a lower standard, forgiveness and excuses can easily sneak in, but if the Iron Fist is going to be hanging out with the Devil of Hell's Kitchen, low standards are undeserved. Please grow up, Danny; you're playing with the big boys now.